JoJo, absolutely Joe Proof!

Joe's namesake, JoJo the dog, is as tough as they come.  Joe says, 'I don't like the SOB, but she's sure tough!', 'Don't look like it, but that is one hell of a Arctic dog.'

Still don't believe me?  Check your facts.

1. Has your dog ever been sucked up into the tunnel of a snow-go track and lived to tell about it?

JoJo has seen the inside of a SkiDoo Expedition tunnel, to the point where I could not see her.  I put it in reverse and spit her out, she lived to tell the tale.

2. Has you ever hit your dog in the leg with a snow-go ski at cruising speed, and have your dog walk it off after a day?

I heard a definite crack as the ski hit her leg.  She limped for awhile, but was running within a day.

3. Has your dog survived being run over by a truck, and within two days running around and chasing dogs out of your yard?

I'm not kidding, I ran over her foot, she was limping around for a few days, but is now back to about 75% and using both legs.

4. Do you know of any dog that has befriended the neighborhood bully (about 6 times her size) only to turn on them on their turf?

Sunny is usually a mean bitch, but JoJo was able to weasel her way into the lion's den, now JoJo tells Sunny what is up.

5. Have 90% of the miles you've put on your snow-go in the last two years been with your dog?

The Venture Lite was made to carry a smallish dog, JoJo is my running partner.

6. Does your dog enjoy running at 20 below zero?

Sled dogs do it all the time, but how many little rat-dogs do it?

7. Have you forgotten your dog outside overnight at subzero temperatures, only to find your dog still alive outside your door?

Sorry JoJo, for that one cold-ass night I left you outside and you stayed there obediently

8. Does your dog snarl and nip at people as they pet her, but then come back for more?

JoJo's most endearing quality is the fact that she snarls when you pet her, this has led to much confusion, it is just the way she is.

9. Has your dog fallen off a snow machine at 35 miles/hour only to get up and run for the next 5 miles?

This routinely happens.

10. Does the shit your dog rolls in look/feel like spray foam and smell like rotten polar bear fat?

This happens more than I would like to admit.

11. Can your dog eat the ass end out of a stink seal (or any other discarded sea mammal), puke and rally, and party on!  Joe says he'd like to see Seal Team 6 do that.  No man has attempted this challenge, it would be entertaining to see them try.

JoJo pukes and rallies like a sorority girl.

JoJo joined our family a few years back.  She came from Kobuk as a young pup from humble roots, her mom was a true camp dog mother, the father was a no-account drifter whose identity has yet been to be identified.  JoJo learned how to be a dog from two elders- a chocolate lab (Jesse) and a Chesapeake (Chip).  While these dogs taught her how to be obedient, they did not teach her the nuances of dog-dom, hence the fact that JoJo's identity is not fully dog.

The other day I told Clay that JoJo was half fox, half wolverine, and half sled dog.  Clay said that made her a dog-and-a-half, I said 'Damn right!'

Welcome to the Arctic!

Do you like pallet fires on the beach and don't mind having a few adult beverages in an outdoor setting?

If so please read on...

Welcome to the NW Arctic, a great place to live, but a tough place to work.  It is our pleasure to welcome you to the region, and to Kotzebue.  As your hosts we feel that is our pleasure and obligation to invite you to a social gathering down the beach to share the beauty of the Arctic with you and to give you one last chance to drink a beer before you head to a winter of sobriety in the village.  Transportation will be arranged, please be sure to take the quiz at the end of this post and, then read on.

To get a ride to the party, please make arrangements to buy/pickup your beverages of choice at the local 'Package Store'.  After securing your drink(s) of choice please make your way to the beach north of the school, at 7:00pm on Wednesday, the 17th day of August, the party buses will arrive to pick up those who need transportation.

The gathering will be held, rain or shine, on Wednesday evening.  There are two modes of transportation- boat or truck.  You'll need to be at the pre-determined spot at the pre-determined time to get a ride.  If all else fails then start walking south along the beach, in about 2.8 miles you'll get to the tentative party spot, it will be just past an old rusty barge on the beach.

Full Circle Farms- Joe Approved

When you think of JoeProof, and Joe, you may not think of organic or fruits & veggies.  But let it be known, Joe loves him some greens.  Salads are near the top of the JoeProof food chain, right next to smoked pork.

It goes without saying that fresh fruit & vegetables are hard to come by in the Arctic, luckily there is Full Circle Farms.  For around $50/box (on a weekly or bi-monthly basis) you can get a box of fresh organic goodness delivered to your town (depending on your locale).  The items in your box are pre-defined depending on the season, you can substitute one item for another based on your personal preference.

Here in Kotzebue boxes are delivered on (or close to) a weekly basis.  Boxes are dropped off at a local church where you can pick them up.  Those saavy to Full Circle will pick up their friends boxes and deliver them.  Obviously it is expected that if you deliver a Full Circle box that you are offered a beer or cocktail.  Needless to say it didn't take long for the smarter rednecks to figure this out.

While the contents of a Full Circle box are coveted, the box itself is (or was) very useful.  The first boxes used were wax coated cardboard, stout and capable of a multitude of uses.  Clay used a Full Circle box on the back of his 600 (the original one) for half a season.  Being waxed coated they also make great fire-starter.  Placed on the back of a Sigum sled they can also hold gas jugs securely.  Lastly, but not least, they are great for dog shit (both frozen or thawed).

As far as the contents of the box, Joe says, "You can blow organic out your ass, I don't care.  I just want fruits and vegetables."  Don't be surprised when you get small radishes either, "I've pulled things out of my nose bigger than that!", scoffed Joe at the size of a meager radish.

Ice Roadtrip- Joe Recommended

This post brings in the new category of 'Joe Approved'. Although this blog was founded on the principle of Joe Proof products, there are still ideas, items, and other things that warrant the label of Joe Recommended.

Roadtrips are a thing that all rednecks can appreciate and I don't believe that the details need to be discussed here. Mix those ingredients with subzero temperatures and a healthy dose of cabin fever and you have a found a great way to spend an evening. On an ice roadtrip you can see everything from a snowy owl, a cross-fox, to a white man's ass.

A roadtrip can be made immensely more enjoyable by paying attention to the details, here are a few suggestions to improve your ice roadtrip experience.

1. Bring a firearm

The smaller caliber the better, this minimizes the damage that can be caused by rogue discharges. Those of you certified in hunter safety (and those who have a normal ration of common sense) will never travel with a loaded weapon, but just in case it is probably better to leave your .50 cal at home.

2. Get creative

Don't be afraid to bring other roadtrip traditions to the ice road. When you stop to stretch your legs spend some time collecting uniform snow chunks to stack on the side of the road. Also known as 'stick indians' these monuments can serve as an inspiration to others.

3. Entertainment

Don't underestimate the value of good music, if you want it and don't have it you'll regret it. A good mix CD is a great way to spark a sing-a-long, fist fight, or start some stories. Most vehicles in Kotzebue are not iPod enabled so plan on ordering some blank CD's.